Tis the season -- poetry classes have resumed, and I'm awake in a new way. Yes, the brisk November air helps, and so does the temporary end of garden labor. But to spend hours with a gifted teacher, being shown what works, what makes a poem strong, vibrant, joyful or tragic -- that's a whole other kind of awakening, and I'm thriving with it.
There are "exercises" after each class, and they've become my favorite homework. Sometimes they lead me to write poems that I'm really excited about, leaps in skill that mean a lot. At other times, like today, I step onto uncertain ground, and craft a "first try" that's heartfelt but not yet powerful. And yet, I love this stage, too: reminiscing, trying to pull out strands that (if the last class is anything to go by) will in turn pull up other feelings and images, and in a week or so, I will make a new discovery.
For today, I figured I'd write about missing my mother. It's a normal part of life to have one's parents die —we don't like it, but it's part of how time works. My mother died when I was just 28, heavily pregnant with my second child. I would have loved more years with her, but ... it didn't turn out that way.
Still, I hold her close.
Singing Your Songs
Clementine and “Wait for the Wagon,” ballads and longing
and lullabyes—after your sudden death, I searched
the secondhand stores for a copy of your book, Mom:
American folk songs. Jeannie with light brown hair. Old Smoky.
Lines that rhymed and endings sweetly certain.
In the key of C, you’d lift each tune till Dad could not resist:
his deep rumble, half a note off, happily sharing the car’s front seat.
Down by the old mill stream. John Henry. “In the evening
by the moonlight,” music that once soothed raw throats, tended
sore bodies, beside long-ago fields. If a mother sang it,
or a worker made it ring out freedom, you did, too. No regrets.
No holding back. You made your choices (a man, some babies),
planted black-eyed Susans, pressed tiny purple wildflowers
between the soft pages of old phone books, taught us all the verses
though I needed the book afterward, so many words. So many.
Sing with me now? Death’s still the same, four decades on.
I miss you, Mom; I’m walking with all of your songs.
-- BK
